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Oxymorons from Donpi'm a professional crop circle maker and i just celebrated the 18th anniversary of my 21st birthday. i'm a professional non-athlete. i go to games to watch and tell the players what they do wrong. when i was a kid, i had a teacher give me the evil eye. it scared me, so i gave it back. i was born on a moonless night. the funniest thing that ever happened to me was life. i once flew an airplane underground. i'm on a mission from god. i'm a legend in my own mind, and i'm consistantly inconsistant. i'm not a procrastinator, but i plan to be one. . . . . . someday. i'm not a smoker, but while at the bar the other night i realized i'm a 6 pack an hour second hand smoker. i used the force once, but then she had me arrested. i played lazer tag, only i used a real lazer. i won. i also played paintball, but my balls just didn't look good in that orange color. i'm a serial communicationalist. most anybody can sleep walk, but i've mastered sleep driving. after my 12th D. U. I. i realized that i dont have a drinking problem. . . . it's my driving that i have a problem with. i hate people who tell me their friend is not fat, just big boned. when was the last time you saw a fat skeleton? friends are for people who don't know how to be lonely. i rode the tilt-a-whirl way too many times as a kid. i ride my bicycle alot, but when i submitted my pics to playboy, they sent me a letter asking me what was wrong with my butt, so i had to stop submitting my pics. i like things that bump in the night. i'm 8 inches away from being a woman, and i'm only two girls away from a threesome. i waited for the girl of my dreams, but then the alarm went off. i think i'm going sane in an insane world. i'm naked under my clothes. i went to a strip club that served seafood dinners, and i ordered crabs, i was asked to leave. even tho i'm catholic, i grew up in a jew home. does that make me sorta jew-ish? i'm paranoid of myself. i installed skylights in my living room. now the guy in the apartment above me is pissed off. |