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Things I am annoyed by
- The message "Due to unusually high call volume.."
from the phone tec support. There is one company
that gives me this message every time I call them.
My question is: if it happens every single time, how
can it possibly be unusual? I mean, they should have
gotten used to it by now! In fact, if they are not busy,
they should be surprised and say: "Due to unusually
low call volume, we'll answer right away".
- AOL advertising. I happen to have an AOL Instant Messenger and it often runs AOL's own
ads. What amazes me is this - the company has billions of dollars, yet they cannot hire an
artist who can draw better than a toddler!
- Hypocrites. Just today, I am getting this email from one of the affiliate programs
I've joined:
"That's right, the long awaited commission model is launching
this Sunday.
We now pay you a commission for every sale that comes through
your site!
We will no longer be paying affiliates per click."
What baloney! Every monkey knows that commissions don't pay nearly as well as
"per click"!
So, who exactly has been "long awaiting" for this change ?!
Their company owner, perhaps - but not the webmasters.
- Printer error messages. Even though I've been using computers for 13 years, I still get
mad when I see it babbling something about "PC Load Letter". Why can't it say something meaningful,
like "Out of paper" ? Jeez!
- AOL. Every time I use AOL Instant Messenger, they try to convince me to "try AOL 5.0".
If they stopped and thought for a second, they'd realize that Messenger users already have
Internet connection - thus they have no need for AOL whatsoever. They are like salesmen who
are trying to sell a tricycle to a bike racer.
- The companies that brag "We register domain names for free!" and then add in smallprint "You will be
billed $70 by registrar". It's like me saying "I'll give you a car for free! But you'll have to pay 20.000 to
the dealer".
- CDNOW.COM. When I do a search for a rare artist, CDNOW tells me
"More than one artist matched!". What it means, of course, is "Well, actually
nobody matched, but I'll show you a big list of names that sort of look
similar - maybe you'll buy one of these albums by mistake".
- There's a pond near by. Dozens of geese live there. This would be a perfect place for
romantic walks and meditative introspections, except for the fact that the pedestrian path
is totally covered with goose turds. There's so many of them and the look is so obnoxious,
it's hard to stay in enlightened state and enjoy the surroundings. The pond belongs to the hospital,
but they haven't dedicated a janitor to take care of the problem - probably hoping that one day
there will be a big flood and all the guano is magically washed away.
- Deja.com. They started great - as a Usenet archiving service. They are still doing that,
but their focus is shifted and the new motto is "Before you buy". Huh?
There I am, reading an ASP newsgroup and this "Before you buy" keeps lingering in front of me
and every time I want to yell "What does that have to do with anything ?!".
- The advertisers that use scarcely clad women or suggestive messages in their ads
(while their sites are all business).
What do you think, once I see an ad like this, I won't be able to help myself and will click it ?
Well, yes. But that doesn't make it right.
- The ads that have "FREE" in the big letters - but when you go and take closer
look, you find out that you will get a
Free handkerchief!!! (when you buy the latest BMW for double the price) - Repetitive book names. "X for dummies", "Complete Idiot's guide to Y"... I think
that a book title is a like a joke - it's only good the first time. Then it becomes mildly annoying and
eventually just starts pissing me off. Why can't they be creative ?
"Total moron's way to personal enlightement". "Mild mannered pervert's guide to romance".
Possibilities are endless!
- Message from the web browsers: "Repost form data?". Now I know what it means, but I remember
how dumb it used to make me feel, because I had no idea what the browser was talking about. Reminds me of
something equally mysterious that Basic used to say years ago: "Re-enter from start"... huh ?
I feel sorry for the users.
- "Don't drink & drive" slogan. It just doesn't compute if you look at it mathematically.
For example it can resolve to NOT (drink AND drive) = "Don't drink and don't drive". Or this variation: "You drink and drive - you pay!". Now, what are you accusing me of ?
Do I drink ? Yes. Do I drive ? Yes. Do I drive drunk ? No. So, what's the problem ?
- Programs that ask 'Are you sure you want to exit?' when I click on 'x' button in top right corner.
Of course, I am sure, why do you think I clicked it ?
Next thing you know, my car will ask me "Are you sure you want to drive?" when I press on gas.
- Voicemail menus that don't allow me to speak to a live person. I hope they don't have recording function,
because I start swearing as soon as I reach the end of menu and find out there's no option "To speak to an
operator press 0". Usually I press 0 anyway - only to hear "Invalid selection" and have all the stupid options
read back to me again.
- Companies that don't allow me to leave a message after hours. I know, nobody's gonna call me back, but why can't
you humor me ? I don't care that you erase the tape the first thing in the morning, just let me feel that I've
been heard!
- Email autoresponders. I send a question, reply arrives, I open it with trembling hands and what do I see ?
"This is robot speaking. I know nothing about your problem, but I just wanted to say 'Hi!'. Somebody else
will answer your question eventually".
- Bus stops. They admirably perform all the major functions, providing aesthetic design and ample place for
advertising. Their only shortcoming is lack of minor things, such as comfortable seating and wind/rain protection.
- Guys who don't flush the toilet. Now, if you're an extraterrestrial and never going to set your foot
on Earth again, you may not care. But if you work in the same building, you'll have to come back to
the same restroom where you left the mess - what are you gonna do then ?